Tell it to the (Laconic) Spartans!

The context was Philip II of Macedon. After invading southern Greece and receiving the submission of other major city-states, he turned his attention to Sparta and asked, with some malintent, whether he should come as friend or foe.

“Neither,” was the reply.

He then sent the message: “You are advised to submit without further delay, for if I bring my army into your land, I will destroy your farms, slay your people, and raze your city.”

The Spartans again replied with a single word: “If.”

~Derek Noonan