Sunday, April 29, 2018

Self-Ownership is not Self-Evident

Me: Self-ownership is not self-evident to wide swathes of humanity.
Them: Yes, it is. Watch. I'll light this joint up in front of this police station.
Me: Uh-oh.
(A swarm of cops descends on the Rights theist.)
Them: What the fuck are you trying to do, you pigs?! I bought this joint! I own my lungs!
Me: Your self-ownership rights lack operational import. I tried to warn you. Wide swathes of humanity don't recognize self-ownership rights.
Them: My (possessive pronoun) joint! My (possessive pronoun) lungs! I have the right to smoke the plant product of my (possessive pronoun) choice!
Me: A helluva lot of good your rights do you now. Never mind your possessive pronouns.
Them: Everybody knows right from wrong!
Me: The Royal Oak police don't. And they're a subset of those wide swathes of humanity I tried to warn you about.
Them: (Kicking, screaming, invoking their deep faith in Sky Wizardry.)

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