Vegetarian HOA
Flaky, liberal, limp-wristed animal rights activists erect a gated community in town. They're professed private-law, natural-order, Hoppean anarchists. Their condos are solid, tidy, and modestly priced. They're also built under the auspices of a homeowners association. If I buy a unit, I have to agree not to eat the charred flesh of sentient beings.
Animals don't have rights! I eat animals every day! I have a right to wage barbecue!
Bylaws are meant to be skirted. Surely, the HOA will look the other way. It knows I have my rights!
Memorial Day comes around. My neighbors are all out of town vacationing. Or so it appears. I proceed to grill pork on my second-story balcony. One of my neighbors has decided to hang back and gets wind of the carnivorous savoriness. He takes a picture of my verboten delicacy with his Android and emails it to the HOA authorities.
Armed HOA guards appear at my front door Tuesday afternoon. What? I thought these guys were anarchists?! They can't sic private cops on me just because I have violated the terms of the contract into which I freely entered! The guards present a copy of my signed HOA agreement to me nonetheless. The violated anti-meat eating provisions are highlighted.
They proceed forcibly to remove me from the premises. Clearly, the fascist Hans-Hermann Hoppe has indoctrinated the HOA authorities. These people are statists! I have never been treated so shabbily in my life!
I file suit in Oakland County Circuit Court of Michigan. I cite the following facts:
1) Animals don't have rights.
2) Human beings do have rights. In fact, only human beings can have rights.
3) Human rights include the right to eat animals.
4) Only an indoctrinated human being would get in the way of another human being's right to eat animals.
5) Human beings who have been indoctrinated have forfeited their rights. This includes their right to disassociate from freethinking and oh so enlightened human beings like me.
6) Everybody knows what terms like "freethinking," "enlightened," and "rights" mean.
6) The HOA must cease and desist from discriminating against my right, as a freethinking and oh so enlightened human being, to eat animals. Notwithstanding my express agreement not to eat animals on the premises of the HOA.
There's no telling what will come of this. I see a new era of peace, prosperity, lower golf scores, free and compulsory charred flesh, and human flourishing on the horizon.
Rights Uber Alles! You're welcome.
Animals don't have rights! I eat animals every day! I have a right to wage barbecue!
Bylaws are meant to be skirted. Surely, the HOA will look the other way. It knows I have my rights!
Memorial Day comes around. My neighbors are all out of town vacationing. Or so it appears. I proceed to grill pork on my second-story balcony. One of my neighbors has decided to hang back and gets wind of the carnivorous savoriness. He takes a picture of my verboten delicacy with his Android and emails it to the HOA authorities.
Armed HOA guards appear at my front door Tuesday afternoon. What? I thought these guys were anarchists?! They can't sic private cops on me just because I have violated the terms of the contract into which I freely entered! The guards present a copy of my signed HOA agreement to me nonetheless. The violated anti-meat eating provisions are highlighted.
They proceed forcibly to remove me from the premises. Clearly, the fascist Hans-Hermann Hoppe has indoctrinated the HOA authorities. These people are statists! I have never been treated so shabbily in my life!
I file suit in Oakland County Circuit Court of Michigan. I cite the following facts:
1) Animals don't have rights.
2) Human beings do have rights. In fact, only human beings can have rights.
3) Human rights include the right to eat animals.
4) Only an indoctrinated human being would get in the way of another human being's right to eat animals.
5) Human beings who have been indoctrinated have forfeited their rights. This includes their right to disassociate from freethinking and oh so enlightened human beings like me.
6) Everybody knows what terms like "freethinking," "enlightened," and "rights" mean.
6) The HOA must cease and desist from discriminating against my right, as a freethinking and oh so enlightened human being, to eat animals. Notwithstanding my express agreement not to eat animals on the premises of the HOA.
There's no telling what will come of this. I see a new era of peace, prosperity, lower golf scores, free and compulsory charred flesh, and human flourishing on the horizon.
Rights Uber Alles! You're welcome.
posted by Tony at 4:32 PM
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